Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Rudy Giuliani blames Obama for the Pokemon outbreak and need for Pokemon-Go, "Before Obama there were no Pokemon running around our cities."

   Ryan Lochte is now claiming he was robbed at gunpoint by Brian Williams.

   Please stop using fancy words like "sober " and "family".

   When I die, I'd like my remains scattered along the beach. That said, I do not want to be cremated.

   I find it interesting that over the past few hears Hackers have broken the biggest stories ..... And our Journalists who's job it is to report the news has tried frantically to cover them up ....

   There is no way Hollywood could remake "The Ring" for millennials,,, because none of them would answer the phone.

   Wonder what the electric eel was called, before electricity was invented.

   Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I'd be like cool I'm going home to eat.

   Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can't spell.

   I’d like to see a commercial where the wife receives a brand new Lexus on Christmas morning and the she turns to her husband and says "You idiot! WTF is the matter with you? We can’t afford a Lexus!"

   This whole Santa should have no gender is crap. Here is how you know Santa is a man. He shows up late, eats your cookie, empties his sack, comes only once, calls you a Ho and leaves while you're asleep.

   I accidentally walked into the women's room at the gym today, then I bought a tampon from the machine so it wouldn't be awkward.

   I've probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator!

   I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.

   My dog ate all the Scrabble tiles once . For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.

   Establish dominance at the dentist by trying to swallow everything they put in your mouth

   I knew I was going bald when it took longer and longer to wash my face.

   I knew I was going bald 5 years ago when it took longer and longer to wash my face.

   October surprise. . . indeed.

   Election 2016. The real American Horror Story.....