Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Play Closing Time at my funeral because it's likely I died trying to change the radio station when it came on.

   How about A public washroom so nice,, that you don't have to flush the toilet with your foot.

   Dear Mom & Dad,,,Summer Camp looks a lot like a WalMart parking lot.. Also,, Is it usually six months long?... Love Billy

   I want to hold you till the end of time. Or until I have to pee. Or whichever comes first.

   its funny how I know the name of a mayor from canada but not the prime minister.

   Always believe a woman when she says, "you don't really wanna know"

   Not judging at all, but if you have a mullet in your commercial, you might want to update your advertising.

   Manager claims OJ Simpson could be Khloe Kardashian's father. And I thought this family couldn't get any more dysfunctional.

   I don't need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.

   Sorry I slow-clapped your breakup, couple sitting at the table next to me.

   I don't understand why people say only men are visual creatures. A woman will spot a rich man & she will see herself leaving your broke ass.

   My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.

   Relationship status: still making mix tapes.

   Most relationships are like Rick Ross, they don't work out.

   You know that one idiot that always flies by you when the roads are crappy? Am I the only one that secretly wishes they would go in the ditch or wreck their car?

   It's not you, it's your drawn eyebrows.

   You call the shots. I'll drink them.

   Cat burglar: Quietly steals all your valuables Dog burglar: Eats your ham, sleeps in bed with you for awhile, wakes you up to go out at 3am..

   Ask your doctor "if shutting the hell up " is right for you

   being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!