Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Experience is a good teacher, but it comes at a high price.

   It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you're listening.

   New tourism slogan: "Missouri Loves Company".

   I didn't text you just to exercise my fingers, I was expecting a reply back...

   Pregnancy- The number 1 cause of arranged marriages

   "Shia LeBeouf" sounds like the name of the venereal disease that will eventually rid the world of Kardashians.

   Find your little island of "OK" in a vast sea of "Holy crap!"

   I'm not short; I'm concentrated awesome. :)

   It takes exactly 14 Kitkats to make you pass out from a sugar overdose.

   Last night I slept next to a plate full of Dominos pizza crumbs if any of you are wondering where I am in my life's journey.

   I'd never date a woman that's more muscular than I am. Unless she forced me to. I mean what could I do?

   feels sorry for the turkey....after it gets killed, the neck gets shoved up the @$$...what a way to go

   Curious George books are a great way to teach kids that single men who wear large yellow hats and own pet monkeys are in no way threatening.

   Girls; Real men look for women who are mature, and know what they want in life; Players will take you either way.

   every year, I realize how stupid I was the year before.

   Has the NORAD Santa tracker stopped working? It says he's been at the Cheetahs Club in NYC for the past 48 hours.

   I drink heavily on the weekends so I can be able to deal with my workmates during the week.

   My boyfriend thought I was great, but after nosing through my underwear drawer and finding a nurse uniform, a french maid outfit and a police woman uniform, he dumped me saying, "It's obvious, you can't hold down a job."

   A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes

   has anyone seen Steven Tyler lately?...that dude really does look like a lady