Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Just bought a thesaurus at Goodwill, I got home to discover all the pages are blank, I have no words to describe how angry I am...

   The media that got everything wrong will now tell you what will happen now that what they said wouldn't happen happened. Think about that for a minute...

   It seems Michael Moore attained, at least partially, one of the two things he desperately needs, which is humility. We can only hope the other will soon be forthcoming....a bath.

   *rides off into the sunset...... *rides back to get SPF 50 sunblock....... *rides off into the sunset......

   I think this Christmas Eve it would really be nice if we all went over to MySpace to wish Tom a Merry Christmas ....... poor guy.

   The people who insist you say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" are just trying to Police Navidad.

   This is how my week goes: moooooooooooonday.. tuuuuuuuuuuuesday... weeeeeeeeeednesday... thuuuuuuuuuursday.. fridaysaturdaysunday....

   Keys to a good friendship. Same taste in alcohol. Different taste in women.

   March 4th, the only day of the year that actually tells you to go do something.

   So, when does Jill Stein announce her Kickstarter campaign to fund Meals on Wheels?

   My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

   Now that the Raiders are moving to Las Vegas if they get more than 21 points in a game they automatically lose

   The relationship my wife and I have is psychological. One is psycho and the other is logical.

   Just texted my boss "I think my computer's broke Boss replied: "Just give it to the IT guy" Me: "okay *walks outside and tosses my laptop into the sewer* good luck Clown.

   I was thinking about going to Walmart for Black Friday but I couldn't find my pajamas.

   My grandpa was so competitive that on his death bed, as he breathed his last, he said, "Staring contest......GO".

   I called the cops on my own Super Bowl party so everyone would leave.

   If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be World Peace for about two hours. Immediately followed by a global food shortage.

   My wife stepped out of the shower and said "I shaved down there, you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the damned drain is clogged again."

   Being stuck in the'' friend zone'' is like a potential employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he eventually hired