Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   U - Haul is looking for drivers to bring back vehicles from Canada. . .

   I'm so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.

   Let's make humility great again.

   Looks like 84 Lumber won't get hired to build the wall...

   Why is it we always have money for wars, but we can't feed the poor?

   If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods would someone else make a sound?

   I got an email from Google Earth saying it can read maps backwards, but then I thought... That's just spam.

   This Pokémon stuff is getting way too serious. My doctor was giving me a colonoscopy yesterday and found a Pikachu.

   2016 Presidential election. ISIS is claiming responsibility for this act of terror.

   The first thing I notice on a girl are her eyes. Unless she's not looking, then it's her tiits...

   Wife ask where I'd like to be buried. Ball deep in your sister wasn't the answer she was expecting.

   Cold cereal is the sweatpants of food.

   Just helped an elderly man cross the street by honking my horn repeatedly

   Did you know you can replace Sweet Child O Mine with Sweet Glass O Wine and it makes for an even better song

   Canadian bacon is just ham that's apologizing for not being bacon.

   Having some states locked down and others not, is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.

   Watched my neighbor pull off this morning with his coffee on top of his car. I could have warned him, but I’m out of stuff to watch.

   Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.

   Dog farts smell worse than human farts because they've been in there seven times longer.

   This is what happens when you let the generation that invented words like BAE, YOLO and FLEEK vote.