Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   the ring of a home phone is becoming the whistle of a steam train+

   That f*ckin moment you spent all game getting drunk and rooting your team on for the win and they lose and now you just look like a drunk assh0l3!

   Sarcasm is just one of the many free services I offer to people who ask dumb questions.

   I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

   I can be doing all the right things and life still has a way of slapping me in the face..

   Autocorrect is like that person who just graduated college and think they know everything.

   Though they are called supermodels, they do not have any super powers. Unless class 2 drug dependency and being very thin is a power

   I can only assume that naming your daughter Destiny is your way of sentencing her to a life of internet web cam modelling.

   You're cute…That's until your 30-day photoshop trial expires.

   It's not that we're anti-social, it's just that our phones got more interesting than human interaction.

   you know your day is bad when your coffee makes you tired

   If you make a wish at 11:11 on 11/11/11 it will come true. Provided that your wish was to waste seconds of your life

   If I get a tattoo of a grape, in time when I age, will it gradually transform itself into a raisin?

   If men are stronger than women, why do men in Video Games need full plate armor and a woman only needs a chainmail bikini?

   Amazon would have delivered these ballots in 2 days.

   When the doc said my prostate was healthy this morning, I was deeply touched.

   was playing air drums to Rush in my car and lost a stick out the window. I had to change over to Def Leppard.

   I was happily watching the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra when the guy on triangle disappeared.

   I'll be glad when this election is over so I can stop making posts that put me on Hillary's hit-list.

   Hey BLM, dont worry. We havent forgetten about you clowns