Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet

   As I grow older and wiser, I am increasingly aware that mostly, I'm just growing older..

   it's a real shot to the ego when you join a internet dating site and can't get a date

   The witch in Hansel and Gretel, she's very misunderstood. I mean, the woman builds her dream house, and these brats come along, and start eating it.

   Even though I can drive a car, there is still something that makes driving a golf cart so awesome.

   a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder, but it's sad that he never knew his real ladder.

   likes romantic dinners, long walks on the beach and poking dead things with sticks..

   Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize your wrong.

   gotta love it when 75% of commercials are political ads. I find it odd that I'm actually looking forward to when commercials are 100% commercials again.

   thinks instead of Jerry Springer using a Boxing Bell; he should just tie Cow Bells around all the Heifer's Necks....

   And don't even get me started on statements with no context.

   can't get with this day light savings, I'm moving to Hawaii.

   So... what did I learn today?.... never, EVER stand up too quickly after playing guitar hero for 3 hours straight!

   just made cranberry sauce vodka shots

   You make a valid point, but there is a major flaw in your argument. You assume that I'm listening to you.

   I came a long way in therapy with my weird obsession of using shapes and numbers, but yesterday I slipped up and now I'm back to square one.

   Sorry to hear about your breakup. If it's any consolation, I don't know what he ever saw in you.

   Props to our cat for getting excited about eating the same food EVERYDAY!

   Today I caught my grandpa urinating with the door open. Which is no big deal, but it's annoying when I'm trying to drive.

   How do you know if someone went to Harvard? They tell you.