Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Knowledge is power... and I see a lot of weakness.

   Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

   You know you're from ________when you play Spin The Bottle on family game night.

   Free samples shouldn't be limited to ice cream stores. How can I be sure this fifth of Vodka is worth the 6 dollars without a quick chug?

   tried to sell myself on Craigslist...now I'm "Censored."

   Of course I like you! What do you think this is? Facebook?

   Marriage is an institution. You also have to be committed to it. If that doesn't sound like a nuthouse I don't know what does.

   How can anybody call themselves a Life Coach when they haven't even played a whole game yet?

   thinks that if plungers could talk, you wouldn't own one.

   spending time entertaining facebookians by writing funny status's instead of doing work

   It may be a sign we're winning the war on terror when the Taliban take credit for a guy who tried to make a bomb out of fireworks...

   College: Producing the most educated alcoholics since 1892.

   It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives

   i raised myself, Happy Father's Day to me

   logged into your facebook account and rearanging your farm!

   There is no such thing as "normal". There is only a lot of weird people doing the same weird things.

   A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.

   "Project Runway": New title for "Teach your kid to be an air traffic controller at JFK."

   the only blizzard I want to see is from Dairy Queen.

   At the end of each work day, I have a strong urge to sidekick the elevator down button, suppressed only by my desire to maintain employment