Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Based on my wardrobe, dog hair is my favorite color:)

   I thought my date had big man hands... until I realized I was sitting in the wrong seat in the theater after coming back from the restroom

   NEVER challenge a frog in a top hat to a dance off. Seriously.

   To girls suffering from a case of too many friend requests: Here is a free tip - Put some clothes on and post your real pictures without photoshop or makeup. Problem solved!

   My girl walked in on me while I was on MySpace. I quickly switched it to a porn site just to save myself from an embarrassment.

   It's very hard to read someone's body language when they are running away from you.

   Whenever I read the karma sutra, it puts me in an awkward position.

   There's nothing like shaving off your beard to remind everybody why your face needed a beard

   Cooking tip of the day: Rub your eyes BEFORE you dice the jalapenos...

   Steal her heart not just once, but each and every day of her life!

   Now my friends all hate me because I've been keeping my enemies closer.

   if you want to know anything, come over to my house...i have a kid that apparently knows everything

   I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I've come.

   "I'll bring you home something from work" sounds a lot cooler if you're dating someone who works at Victoria's Secret and not Hardee's.

   If you whistle while you work, your enjoying work way to much!

   just been named most witty friend on Facebook by J.D. Power and Associates.

   Let's get drunk and make some bad decisions

   Dear hot chick I just passed on the street- I wasn't looking at you, you were looking at me. Get over yourself!

   You know it's bad when the only thing women feel while having sex with you is remorse.

   The less power a man has, the more he likes to use it. That's why bouncers are d!cks.