Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Insanity means never having to say “I'm Guilty”.

   May 21, 2011 6:00pm?? Wait...where in the Bible does it mention clocks?

   How would you even go about putting 99 bottles of beer on the wall in the first place?

   in the worst pain I've ever been in!! Hit a dry spot on a Slip n' Slide.

   People like to talk about other people....it diverts the attention away from them.

   You know what sucks, when the people you are staying with have a grandfather clock and it chimes the number of hours. Know what sucks more, it is set to military time.

   Guilty people answer questions with a question.

   Try saying Whale Oil Beef Hooked without sounding like a drunk Irish man.

   Follow your dreams......except those weird ones!

   begining to suspect that my friend's tell me they don't have any single friends for me to meet so that if they in fact become single again they will have dibs.

   Apparently, screaming "It's my money and I need it now!" out the window only goes over well in the commercials.

   I just love hearing somebody lying, when I know the truth..

   Remembers the days when editing a photo involved for scissors and tape...

   My brain returns to its default settings every ten minutes.

   I wish running scenarios through my mind burned calories.

   What is a man's idea of helping with the housework? Lifting his leg so you can vacuum

   Fire hazards are never a good thing. Except maybe in golf. That would be awesome.

   This year, I'm thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.

   Apparently, my wife has friend zoned me...

   I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.