Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Nothing says you're out of shape like getting winded while vacuuming.

   ...I'm begining to think my Amish friend isn't going to text me.

   B!tch, You're a booty call, stop putting your relationship status as "it's complicated."

   A Girl that knows she's beautiful never has to tell people about it.

   I am going to tell you a little secret; it doesn't cost a single dime to mind your own business.

   Please don't promise me something I never asked for and then change your mind the moment I fall for it.

   dropped it like it was hot but couldn't pick it back up.

   Thank goodness the weather has gotten nice for once. I was getting sick of hearing people complain about the cold. Now I'm ready for people to start complaining about it being too hot. Whine people....whine!!

   They tell us not to put all our eggs in one basket, then Easter comes and they only give us one basket!

   You're lucky to be born so beautiful, unlike me, who was born to be a big liar.

   I installed a stripper pole outside my house. Haven't caught one yet.

   “Hey, it's been 6 seconds. Check your phone again.” (my brain)

   Weddings in 3 weeks, I wish I could invite all of you but the Waffle House only fits 43.

   Why doesn't the White House have a BIG YARD SALE to pay back the debt?

   I don't think I will ever be mature enough to keep from laughing everytime I see a shake-weight commercial.

   There is really a Miss Facebook beauty pageant. I wonder if the bathroom pictures are scored lower?

   if by Jareds you mean Wal-Mart, then yes I got it at Jareds

   I need constant reassurance, right?

   If I want your opinion I'll......actually forget that....I'll never want your opinion.

   Judging by the hair on the furniture, I'm surprised I have any cat left at all.