Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hipsters are what happens when you tell every child they are special

   I always fist bump the cashier whenever my card doesn't get declined.

   There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.

   No, I don't have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.

   I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I'm still looking for ideas.

   "Daddy, can we go to the park" *looks at 9% battery* "Nope"

   Every girls dream is to find the perfect guy then change everything about him.

   Bruce Jenner is my least favoritte Transformer.

   addicted to facebook! Ok, I admit I've got a problem. So here's what I'm going to do abou.. ah, new message...

   You call that show "Man vs. Food", But I call it "Keeping Up With The Kardashians."

   I wonder if anyone else feels like their life is a series of bloopers and outtakes.

   One of life's purest joys is discovering that something has pockets.

   Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?

   Ever wonder what your face is doing when you aren't paying attention?

   How do I set the laser printer to stun?

   In other news, Farve says those texts and voicemails were intended to go to his wife. Jenn Sterger picked them off and took them to the house.

   Ever accidentally pull something out of your purse thinkin it was a pen when checking out?? Yep, that's how my days goin...

   What do a midget and a dwarf have in common? Very little.

   Feels bad for dads taking their sons to the girls shopping aisle to get a nice pair of tight apple bottom jeans. Keep your heads up dads. This emo style wont last long.

   According to the EPA, lead particles in the air in Los Angeles cause 6,000 deaths a year. We call them "bullets."