Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   at Camp Crystal Lake, getting drunk with her best friends and running around in her underwear, and holy crap did anyone else hear that noise?

   if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. .....

   Do I look like a freakin' people person?

   more frustrated than a crackhead with no lighter!

   (If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses)

   on an alcohol free diet. so far i've lost three days

   Sometimes, the problem is your underwear.

   hi weekend! let me introduce you to my basement..........you're not going anywhere!

   convinced they gave a day pass to the people in the old folks home so they could work the polls today.

   with 60% of the precincts reporting. "U. R. Stilscrewed" looks to be the winner in the Senate, with "Ben Dover" holding a slim lead for Congress.

   If you're telling me to relax, it's probably your fault that I'm not.

   Don't you hate it when people start a whole conversation off you're status? C'mon guys, get a WALL!"

   ‎I don't remember anything from last night. Somebody must've put something in my drink". Yeah. If this was a game of Clue I'd have to go with "the bartender, In the club, with the vodka."

   Political speeches are like bull horns. A point here. A point there. And a lot of bull in between.

   Remember a diamond was merely a lump a coal that did well under pressure..

   I would like to Like you, but I don't know where to click it :))

   Look, all we have to do is put little pieces of paper with mystical-sounding gibberish on them inside these cookies -- we'll make a fortune!

   Just once I would like to begin my Christmas shopping before December 24th

   A movie about Justin Bieber's life? I am looking forward to part 2, "From Puberty To Obscurity."

   the difference between a paycheck and a blowj** is you don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck