Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   This is normally when Tony Romo is visited by 3 ghosts. The ghost of December Failures past, present and future.

   OMG I met the perfect guy! Maybe I can fix him. - Women.

   The best thing about depression is all the naps. Also the frequent snacks. Also the heavy drinking. The drugs are cool too.

   It's what's on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.

   My medical ID bracelet says "Probably Drunk".

   Getting dumped by a hoarder has to be rock bottom.

   We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...

   I hate when I get to work and I'm at work.

   back pain is just youth leaving the body

   Justin Bieber has changed his name, at least on Instagram, to "Bizzle" apparently in order to up his "street cred". Why can't Bieber just up his street cred like rappers do and get shot?

   I never follow my heart because involuntary, myogenic organs are terrible decision makers

   Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!

   Women are always complaing that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around.....That's because women take up all the closets

   Bit Strips. A step up in the minds of those who normally post that they're going to Wal-Mart.

   I figure I must be Bi-sexual. I have sex twice a year.

   nice try auto flush toilet, but there's more where that came from..

   Every taco bell value meal should be called a number 2

   Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I'll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags

   Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.

   If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.