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When someone talks to you and that little drop of spit shoots out there mouth and onto u. you all play it off.. but inside ur like (°°) wtf! 
Wondering if I can purchase "I'm Sixty and I know it" by LMFAO & Madonna on ITunes.
The grass is greener on the other side because my neighbors are Mexican
Teach a man to fish and he'll be like "Cool, thanks!" Teach a woman to fish and she'll be like "You're doing it wrong."
Researchers say men are 3 times more likely to be the first to say "I love you", than women. In our defence, ladies, we don't mean it
went to a shrink today. she says I have a split personality. Charged me 84.00. I paid her 42.00 and told her to get the rest from the other bi tch!
People really misunderstand me.....I mean, I’m a simple girl, really. I enjoy long romantic walks (to the liquor store)...quiet conversations (with my bail bondsman)....that secure feeling (that only an ankle monitoring bracelet can bring)...
dear NBC, wake me up when women's beach volleyball starts...
Sometimes when I post stuff h ere it doesn't post. I figure the A dministrator just gave it to B EGO to post
I live by my own rules... that my gf has reviewed, revised and then approved. BUT STILL MY OWN RULES!!!!
It's amazing how many girls are lured into the world of Adult Entertainment. I guess the old saying is true: "There's a sucker born every minute."
Enjoying a new drink called the bin laden. 2 shots and a splash of water
Either you love bacon or you're wrong
I wonder, if I drive by myself, does it still count as a carpool since I'm bringing the voices in my head with me?
All I said was .. "Just spread the legs open alittle wider and I'll stuff it in".....Geez thats the last time I try to help stuff a turkey !
I'm not lazy. Someone just stole my motivation. I'm the victim here!
Why is "patience" a virtue? Why can't "hurry the fuck up" be a virtue?
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I'm sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
FYI: The opposite of Chevy Chase,,,, is Ford Escape.
I wonder if one day somebody will ever come and knock on my door and tell me, “Hey, we have four mutual colleagues in Linkedin." Can I come in?
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