Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
←Rate | 08-20-2014 02:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die. I wouldn't want to be me on that day
←Rate | 09-23-2014 05:33 by andrew jackson Comments (1)  


   messageicon Oh and for all those polar bears are losing their homes because the earth is heating up people ..Tell the polar bears to bring their furry asses to Indiana they will feel right at home
←Rate | 11-19-2014 08:02 by MWC Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’d rather wear Rosie O’Donnell’s dirty underwear as a ski mask than turn Facebook chat on.
←Rate | 11-21-2014 00:40 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A man was arrested in England for robbing a store not with a gun; but holding a picture of a gun. God it takes courage to be that stupid.
←Rate | 11-21-2014 10:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon God only gives you what you can handle. Really? Because I'm pretty sure I could handle way more money...
←Rate | 11-22-2014 16:33 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife has yet to figure out the correlation between her excessive conditioner usage and my super soft weiner…
←Rate | 11-24-2013 18:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Found a roll of "choking hazard" stickers, so far I've plastered my pants with them.
←Rate | 11-19-2011 00:17 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon At least Herman Cain knows when to pull out......
←Rate | 12-03-2011 14:15 by sully Comments (0)  


   messageicon You actually play with the volume more often when watching porn.
←Rate | 01-03-2012 14:47 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just thinking of how confusing it would be to all the little tricker treaters if I dressed up as santa for Halloween and handed out candy.....
←Rate | 10-30-2011 21:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
←Rate | 03-15-2012 22:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Tickets." — me (when other people get on the elevator)
←Rate | 03-28-2012 15:04 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ok, just heard this on a radio... "Up next is Justin Bieber's Boyfriend." My suspicions are confirmed.
←Rate | 04-14-2012 18:32 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon A good man will admit when hes wrong.. A really good man will change the subject... Without the other party even realizing it..
←Rate | 01-29-2012 20:40 by @Seanathon77 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just Googled "Chris Brown" and now I have a black eye.
←Rate | 02-19-2012 21:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If North Korea hits us, I think the Military should kneel down and let the NFL players handle it.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 20:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The signs of a good plate of nachos? When you turn your plate 3 or 4 times and have NO idea where to start!!
←Rate | 10-10-2011 21:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
←Rate | 09-22-2011 20:16 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend is a porn star, she's going to be so pissed when she finds out.
←Rate | 07-26-2011 21:56 by Brafty Crastard Comments (0)  



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