Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dude, quit posting your stupid Tebow crap.

   What if cell phones are part of an elaborate plot to rid the world of phone booths so Superman has nowhere to change?

   Single as a dollar and I'm not looking for change

   once again Tequila is the Delete History button of my brain

   I like my women like I like my turtles. Helpless when they're on their back.

   Some people are like clouds. Once they f*ck off, it's a beautiful day.

   My girlfriend wants something with lots of diamonds for Valentine's Day. She is going to love this deck of cards!

   We all have a devil and an angel on our shoulders. Only problem is my devil has a gym membership!

   Experts say the snake that escaped from the Bronx Zoo may be seeking its natural habitat ..and is heading for Wall St.

   When I see a kid about 4 - 7 years old with a mullet I can almost guarantee you there is a meth lab at his house and I would just like to go smack his parents!!

   I get the feeling that Americans just think of us Canadians as "white Mexicans" sneaking across the border and stealing their hockey jobs.

   Never beg a person for something that someone else is willing to give you.

   COURAGE does not always roar,sometimes it is that quiet voice at the end of the day that says''I will try again tomorrow''.

   The only thing more awkward than buying condoms would be returning them.

   RIP to all the snowmen who died fighting the sun

   #1-900 I used to like to talk to you on late Friday nights when all my friends were out with their girls. Then you went and raise your rates!

   why, hello there gin and tonic....enjoy your stay, and as usual...please feel free to as many complementary brain cells you'd like........i believe you and liver have met............

   Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg has been named Time Man of the Year. Ironically, Facebook has been named Time Waster of the Year.

   I haven't seen Democrats this pissed since they were forced to free their slaves.

   Not to be rude but how fast food workers feel that 15 dollars an hour is realistic when they can't even get my 1 dollar cheeseburger correct?!?