Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Guys, the only thing that beats playing with your kids is playing with the box they came in...

   NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”  

   I think people should start adding carnivore to their bio, like vegetarians do. That way we're all clear on everyone's daily meal plan.

   As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.

   There's a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.

   Why do they still use smoke to singal the pope vote? Don't they have a twitter account now?

   When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.

   Met Taylor Swift at the airport this morning and complimented her on her dress. Now she's sitting in a tree outside my window in a wedding dress with a guitar..... This can't be good!!!

   The purpose of this status is to let you know that I have nothing to say, but that's not gonna stop me from saying it....

   Abracadabra!! Nope. Your still a fucktard.

   The saddest people in the world always seem to be the nicest.

   if you want to visit a graveyard this Halloween just log into myspace!

   Remember how simple and happy life was before you met me? Yeah…I am sorry about that.

   The harder you fall..... the higher you bounce!!

   No matter what your Chinese symbol tattoo says... I'm going to assume the translation is: "Please think I'm cool."

   Somewhere out there is a girl taking the batteries out of her remote for her Vibrator.

   Does anyone remember when gas was $1.09? Yeah neither do I.

   Your girlfriend is Rated E for "EVERYONE"

   One of God's greatest pranks would be to leave Rihanna behind as the 'only girl in the world' on saturday.

   If there is any time to pay attention, it is while typing grandfather clocks into an image search.