Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   From Kim Jong-un's diary: "Friday the 13th, yeah, that will be a good day to test the rocket".

   Traffic is getting so bad during rush hour that you can change a flat and not lose your place in line.

   I guess my main gifts are in the garage or still at the pet store or something. This is the only rational explanation I can think of.

   i was thinkin about adoption to fill the void in my life, if only I could find someone willing to adopt me..

   If I had money to blow, I would hire two private investigators to follow each other.

   You sacrifice. You fight injustice. You think you're making a difference. Then you find out Snooki has a book deal.

   ‎10 should be the limit of how many times you can go on Maury looking for your baby daddy.

   Deafness is getting to be quite a problem for me lately. I never thought I'd hear myself say that.

   If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

   I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.

   "Thank You" is such an insignificant phrase, yet we put so much into it. When we say "Thank You" to a vet or active duty officer, what comes out is 2 simple words, but what is meant is a world of un-seen gratitude, hope, peace and safety. No, "Thank You"

   believes they should change the "maybe" response to event invitations to "yep, unless I get a better offer before then".

   People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.

   This day needs more yesterday...

   Loves the smell of gun powder, thank you Chinese people..

   Guys with phone holsters surely would have been gunned down quickly in the old west.

   When going through airport customs and you are asked "Do you have any firearms with you?" do not reply "why, what do you need?"

   There are 3 kinds of people in the world. One is the solution to the problem, one is the problem, while the other is wondering what was the problem???

   You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

   Go ahead 'like' my day!