Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   hy do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There's like 10 women to each man and they're already there looking for things they don't need.

   OJ said he has lived a conflict free life. Unless, he thinks you are or our have his property. Then watch out. Things get crazy.

   I remember how it felt so good to turn my lights out for Earth Hour... On hindsight, I probably shouldn't have been driving at the time.

   I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.

   May the guy who invented SpellCheck burn in Hello

   . I think mydog looks out the window when I leave for work to see that's it safe to lay on the sofa.

   in 1964 the wage was 5 silver quarters. Today 5 silver quarters are worth $15.50. We dont need to raise the wage, but to fix our money.

   You're never too old to be spanked. If you play your cards right.

   leave it to Hugh Hefner to die on hump day

   Someone here said that bullying and insulting people, for no good reason, means you're doing things right. When did humanity get so stupid?

   The only problem with sport fishing is that the fish have a home field advantage.

   I have to get with the times on this social media stuff. All this time I thought Instagram was a convenient way to obtain cocaine.

   Period pains? Try having a b0ner in jeans....

   What I learned from the Grammys: Lady Gaga SILL terrifies me, Beyonce apparently has seizures while performing, Taylor Swift has some VERY adult teeth in her teen-aged mouth, & Lil Wayne was lookin like a fool with his pants on the ground!

   There are going to be so many Snookis this year for Halloween. I think I will dress up as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face.

   thinks that they should change the name of Starbucks to Fivebucks

   There needs to be free birth control handed out at welfare offices...agreed??

   Prank: Have 10 friends call the same phone # for a week & ask for Jim. Then call it yourself & say “this is Jim, do I have any messages?”

   Mexican word of the day: Nacho, Hillary Clinton is Nacho President!

   Everytime I enter a Plane I gotta ask the Arab sitting next to me if he Got plans for tomorrow.