Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm glad the hackers gained access into my MySpace account. Please send me my pics, I forgot my login information 8 years ago.

   If you watch the Mighty Ducks backwards it’s about a hockey team that starts sucking so bad that the coach leaves and becomes an alcoholic.

   using Scotch Blue Painter's tape instead of Duct Tape because she wants it rough, yet romantic.

   I can't decide if the new guy is a really nice helpful kind guy or if he's a creepy serial killer type.It's such a fine line sometimes

   Hints that someone is not enjoying your company. . 1. I keep backing away from you. 2. No eye contact. 3. Keep checking my phone. 4. I'm trying real hard to spontaneously combust.

   So "Linsanity" no longer refers to Lindsay Lohan but Jeremy Lin? What if they start dating, what then? The Adventures of LinLin?

   Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets.

   She was my world, until I found another planet.

   dancing and singing with headphones......apparently frowned upon in court.

   That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome

   Sequestering a sandwich.

   I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: "How did you know this sign was here?"

   You know what's really beautiful about a beautiful day? ALCOHOL!

   Can't believe they've made a Taken 2...Liam Neeson must be an even worse father than Gerry McCann

   What if you *didn't* put a giant sticker on your car that said what kind of car it is? That could be cool too...

   Sometimes I think I'm losing touch with reality. At least my imaginary girlfriend is hot.

   She couldn't wrap her mind around it, so she used her mouth instead.

   If you ever find yourself wondering if there is someone new in their life, chances are there is.

   I'm sorry. You need a favor? You know I'd consider it if I weren't so inconsiderate.

   Every year my calendar ends on December 31st and I buy a new one, today i've concluded the Mayans were too lazy to make a new one.