Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   says when my psychiatrist told me I was crazy, I told him I wanted a second opinion. He said, "Alright, you're ugly too." I guess I need to be careful what I ask for.

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   Does it bother anyone else when you here someone say, "I axe him"

   i bought an awesome watch the other day, It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it.

   The best gift of all, is freedom and health. Merry Christmas

   If I were Amish, I’d have to convert to Pmish cause I’m not a morning person.

   Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.

   .... Enjoying music is like eating candy .... The first thing you do is get rid of the Rapper ....

   Farmer plows the field. Farmer doesn't even stay for breakfast, stops returning the field's calls.

   Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.

   Ladies, it's not a birth month or even a birth week. It's a birthday. You get to celebrate one f'n day, ok?

   The only way the Democrats would do away with Obamacare would be if it required a photo ID to get it.

   Here's a thought. The next time a criminal is told to stop by the police, he should take a knee instead of trying to run away.

   She just needs a shot of vitamin D.

   It takes a brave man to admit he's wrong. It takes a braver man to not delete the original comment.

   They say dress for the job you want not the job you have, so today I'm dressed like the Pope.

   Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention' as their Facebook status.

   The more I get to know other people, the less I hate myself.

   You are my GOOGLE. You have everything I am searching for.

   Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.