Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   One thing I've learned: I have the right to remain silent. Anything I say will be misquoted, then used against me.

   Just signed all my Facebook friends up for free samples of Astroglide. Happy Holidays!

   Note to self: If you ever accidentally bump into a person who looks just like the young woman who starred in "Precious", do not ask her if she's the young woman who starred in "Precious"....Geeeeeez

   Patience is not a virtue, its a waste of time.

   They say money doesn't buy happiness.....I am guessing you're shopping at the wrong store...

   Given how much lint I pull out of the lint trap in my dryer, why aren't my clothes dissolving faster?

   Confucious says Some Sex Is Good...More Is Better...Too Much Is Just About Right

   My biggest fear used to be getting sick and dying, now it's of me dropping my cell phone in the toilet.

   I wish I was you so I could hang around with me

   You're not “alternative” by choice; you were rejected by the mainstream.

   When the Spice Girls chose their "Spicy" alter-ego nicknames, the girl with the biggest boobs should have chosen to go by Spice Rack.

   Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.

   drinking. I have my cellphone on me and it has facebook on it. I appoligize in advance and will delete my wall posts as soon as I wake up.

   My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.

   I only talk sh*t when I'm strategically located near bouncers.

   Apparently the forklifts at home depot are "not meant for racing and for employee use only."They should really get a sign..

   Living the dream........if the dream was about doing laundry.

   Getting older means I no longer have the energy to do many of the things I enjoy in life, for example being awake.

   If an indoor shooting range is burning, what does one scream to inform them?

   Today my friend told me that she's "addicted" to running. The only way I'm becoming "addicted" to running is if I'm also "addicted" to being chased by wild animals or the cops.