Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I wish I had a fly swatter with me, when I sit next to people who dont cover their mouth when they yawn or cough.

   how can Facebook ask “whats on my mind” then have a limit on how long your status can be ?

   wHeN yOu TyPe LiKe ThIs It GiVeS mE a HeAdAcHe AnD iT tAkEs TwIcE aS lOnG tO tYpE AnD I WaNt To ClAmP yOuR fAcE iN a GeOrGe FoReMaN gRiLl ...

   Dear Lean Cuisine, Your microwave lunches are small. My body does not get 35MPG like most people. I get more like 12MPG with a strong tail wind. Please help. Love, Me

   Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

   That moment when you realize you hit "reply all"

   It's official I've finally been over notified.

   The worst part of telling your friend you got laid off is probably when they try to high five you at the "laid" part.

   you want a good idea for "Survivor" ? How about Suvivor: Compton.

   I have no covid-19 symptoms, which from what I hear, is a symptom of covid-19

   It's ironic how those who bemoan being judged by their color are now the one's judging folks by their color. 1 |

   Heterosexual Pride Day: It's great to see heterosexual people no longer have to live in fear because of who they're attracted to.

   Who says building a border wall won't work? The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any Mexicans.

   Wikileaks should be ashamed of itself for illegally releasing Hillary's illegal activities.

   Socialist: A person who wants everything you have except your job.

   We now return to PAWN STARS: How much can I get for this genuine 100 dollar bill.... The best I can do is $25..... Thinks for 5 minutes.... Deal

   The only exercise I've done this month is running out of money

   I once took a girl to Starbucks because I forgot her name

   If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.

   "Son, when I was your age we had to walk 50 miles uphill, in the snow with no shoes just to find out if hot, local singles were in the area"