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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Page: 12 of 5576
I have exciting news. Today I used a piece of plywood, that I've kept in my garage since 2003, incase I might need it.
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12-16-2023 21:45 by
BigToe0311
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I find it interesting how some women won't date a man that lives with his mother, but will date a man that lives with his wife.
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12-15-2023 19:35
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I'm a hot guy. Even Lesbos like me.
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12-15-2023 10:08
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It wasn't the Grinch that stole Christmas. It was the power bill, the gas bill, the water bill, the phone bill, rent, insurance, car payment, not to mention grocery prices.
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12-15-2023 05:59 by
GaryKoenig
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My ability to remember all of the lyrics from the 80s, Far exceeds my memory of why I just walked into the kitchen..
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12-13-2023 20:44 by
DJJIMBOFUNATANYBAR
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I get now why they call it being a cougar bc to get my recommended daily protein I gotta take down an elk
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12-11-2023 12:24
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If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?
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12-11-2023 11:42
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Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question
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12-11-2023 11:37
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Adam: oh look the McRib is back Eve: stop calling me that!!!
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12-11-2023 11:26
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Medical Tip: If you see a “lost & found” box in the proctologist’s office... keep walking.
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12-11-2023 11:26
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We buried our grandad with his exercise bike – he’s spinning in his grave.
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12-11-2023 11:23
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Sorry I shot your minivan, but it's hunting season and it had antlers.
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12-11-2023 11:22
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Take a look at trending topics and you'll realize why they have to write "do not eat" on dry silica packets.
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12-11-2023 11:22
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Do Lions count Sheep befor they fall asleep
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12-10-2023 13:37
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First rule of family gatherings: Always bring your own vehicle so you can leave whenever you want.
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12-10-2023 10:05 by
GaryKoenig
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I asked my dentist "What will make my teeth whiter? He said "Try polish." I said "OK, Co sprawi, że moje zęby będą bielsze?
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12-09-2023 12:29
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Just a reminder: Walmart will be closed on Christmas Day so both cashiers can be with their families.
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12-09-2023 07:43 by
GaryKoenig
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Has Missouri ever done a tourism ad with the slogan ‘Missouri Loves Company?’ If not, what is even the point of Missouri?
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12-07-2023 09:08 by
RobbieG
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November should have one more day because to me November 31st sounds real. NOT just because I wrote it on a cheque.
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12-06-2023 14:58
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Most problems can be solved with nudity
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12-05-2023 10:07 by
RobbieG
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