Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   having an anti-valentines day party

   Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?

   MEN are like BLUETOOTH. When they are with You, they are connected. When they are not with you, they are searching for other devices to connect to.

   I have learned "Limited Edition" means piece of crap that is going to be replaced with a better version in the near future.

   I'm not needy. I'm wanty

   Mom: I found this condom while I was cleaning your room. Are you sexually active? Girl: No. I just lay there.

   You realize like, billions of women have done the same damn thing right?

   In group discussions, chicks with big boobs always seem to say the right things.

   Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they say "to boldly go where no one has gone before", when they get there, they always meet someone?

   I found some dignity. If no one claims it in 24 hours, I'm keeping it.

   The problem with some people is that they’re alive.

   Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.

   SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild........

   She is so ugly, how does she have a boyfriend? Maybe she has an amazing personality and her boyfriend isnt a judgemental cu$t like you..

   Holy shi t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?

   I love how the internet has improved people's grammar far more then any English teacher has. If you write "your" instead of "you're" in a English class all you get is a red mark.... Mess up on the Internet just once, and may God have mercy on your soul.

   When I was young, I had to walk all the way to the TV to change the channels.

   Google is my spellchecker.

   feels sorry for all the hassle Toyota drivers have had to put up with the last few weeks, they deserve a brake...

   that you might as well sleep with me because I'm going to tell all my friends you did anyway.