Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Now that Moammar Gadhafi is dead is it to soon to call dibs on his kick ass collection of sunglasses?

   How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel??

   My girlfriend insists on buying tuna in water. "It's healthier then the tuna in oil!" Then we get home and she puts a gallon of mayonnaise in it.

   Okay I will let you go but you are going to find out that there's not many like me, but there's plenty like you.

   When you say "everything happens for a reason" and I kick you in your face... The reason is because you said that.

   “What doesn't kill you makes you smaller.” ~Mario

   Very little happens at 3 o'clock in the morning, but when it does, it's usually very memorable.

   Hand Sanitizer: Helping us discover paper cuts we never knew we had

   Skype Conversations: 5% Hey, how are you? 95% CAN YOU HEAR ME?!?!

   My relationship with my Ex was very psychological...she's psycho and I'm logical.

   Some rude idiot just interrupted my afternoon nap by honking his horn just because the light turned green.

   What will the next Democrat prez do to end poverty? Same all the rest did; nothing...

   If someone has to lie, cheat and steal to get your vote, they're not the leader you're looking for.

   Since we are cancelling COPS, & LivePD can we also cancel The View?

   Anyone remember when MTV was "white"?

   Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I die before I wake. Then this will be my last status update.

   ...can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

   My ex just sent me a photo of her having sex with her new boyfriend. I sent it to her Dad

   I failed the quiz by 1 point, the last question was " where do most women have curly hair" apparently the correct answer was "Africa"..

   Single girls give better hugs.