Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.

   How do I know that Facebook is a woman? Well a man would never ask "Whats on your mind?" Would he?

   I'm in one of those moods that only a virgin sacrifice will appease.

   : I've decided that when I get to superstar status, I will not have a security guard. I will have a ninja.

   Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties? To find a tight seal.

   Don't slap my ass then apologize.

   Can't wait for the new episode of Hoarders...now all I gotta do is find my television.

   Son, when I was your age, our video game controllers were hard wired to the console. And Mario had to walk uphill both ways to the castle.

   1.Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who's free for the weekend.

   Don't be upset if she preferred someone else, it's difficult to convince a monkey that strawberries are sweeter than bananas...

   Government shutdown...is that a threat or a promise?

   If our Government shuts down how much Electricity will we save?

   Afraid of not getting what you ordered when online shopping.....Ha, try online dating

   Don't blame me for your issues. Your seat on the crazy train was reserved long before you met me.

   If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!

   just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn't mean it's ok to wear them in public.

   On a scale of 1 to a weatherman,,, how good are you at lying?

   Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!

   Do you ever start writing a status and halfway through you’re just like “nah”

   My favorite part in Pretty Woman is her joy when he agrees to pay $3,000 for 6 days, effectively lowering her rate from $100/hr to $21/hr