Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Pink grapefruit extreme close-up, you’re welcome.

   A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They're called Nuns 'n' Moses.

   I just put my phone on airplane mode and it dragged me out of my seat

   Darth Vader could fall asleep in Imperial meetings and nobody would notice.

   "Can't adult today". That's cute 22 year old. Get a mortgage, manage a 401k, have a couple kids, then get back to me about being an adult.

   Someday they will discover the center of the universe and a lot of people are going to be pissed to find out it isn't them.

   I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at

   The police want to interview me which is strange, I didn't even apply for a job there..

   How do Amish girls know if it's a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts

   New York: We just had a storm with 50 mph winds. Oklahoma: Hold my beer...

   So let me get this straight -- they left the porridge on the table and went for a walk, and the 3 bowls cooled at different rates?

   it safe to take off my eclipse glasses yet?

   I hate it when you try to stay behind someone one car-length for every 10 mph of speed like you were taught in Driver's Ed, and then some idiot pulls in front of you.

   I've had a really bad day. First, my ex-wife got run over by a bus. Then I got fired from my job as a bus driver.

   hoping the death of Osama Bin Laden means I cen get on a plane without getting fondled by a TSA agent.

   I feel like celebrating by eating a good old american double cheeze burger, fries and a cold Budweiser to wash it down.

   Call of Duty: Black Ops trained soldiers kill Bin Laden

   OSAMA may you rot in hell and have to listen to entire justin beiber discography over and over again for all eternity

   I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

   wishes Narnia was real, then she would have more room in her closet...