Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   To predict how someone is going to treat you, look at how they treat the waiters.

   I lose a lot of arguments just so I can go back to my nap.

   I really hope I never become famous because I'm really horrible at hooking up with celebrities.

   Almost a 1000 posts, And all I got was this lousy t-shirt.. Well, It's not really a t-shirt, more of a hospital gown. And this afternoon, I get to go for a supervised walk.

   Please take your b itching about the weather to Twitter. None of us here goes outside anyway.

   there's a difference between a country girl and some slut with a hat

   David Caruso finds the bomber dead in a boat,,,"Looks like someone could've used a...." (removes shades)... "Life preserver."

   And that's why I don't have a boat.

   If a fireman's job can go up in smoke, and a plumbers job can go down the drain, can a hooker get laid off?!

   I used to be a people person......but people fckued that all up...

   How many calories does wearing workout clothes burn? Does anybody know?

   Facebook to roll out hastag suport over the next few weeks. #LookAtMyKid #LookAtMyCat #LookAtMyDinner #LookAtMeAtTheGym #LookAtMyFeetAtThePool #IHateDramaSoHereIsSomeDrama ..... There #ThatShouldCoverThemAll.

   Strip malls are the most promiscuous of all the malls

   If marriage doesn't involve daily sex and the occasional fort building then I want no part of it.

   The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.

   wondering if unemployment will be sending me a christmas bonus?

   The difference between divorce and legal seperation is that legal seperation gives a husband time to hide his money.

   wonders if Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

   Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

   if they are going to start putting graphic pictures on packs of cigarettes, then they should put deadly dui pics on liquor bottles