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I've got ADD and OCD so that means I've got something new to obsess about every 5 seconds. 
watching Man vs. Food and wonders how many more food challenges can this guy take before he has a massive heart attack?
True love is me texting you back before I die on call of duty instead of after
Now over to world news: Good evening, the UN declared that they will be sending relief aid to Haiti in hopes that the victims of the...Oh..hang on.. this just coming in on the news wire..Lindsay Lohan was taken into custody today for probation violation..
going to name her next pet Peeve.
dear science, thanks for all your contributions lately, but is there a chance we can get some windshield wiper fluid infused birds anytime soon? Thanks:)
At times, I really wish that my place of employment had a chimpanzee that gives you an ice cold beer when leaving the office as part of your benefits package
When someone says, "Expect the unexpected," I like to punch them in the face to express my agreement.
I want a job in construction. I want to apply to be that guy who is never doing anything when you drive by slowly because they are merging lanes. this guy can usually be seen holding a cigarette and wearing his football teams logo on his hard hat
STATUS, coming to a wall near you!
Will watch the Movie : 2012 in 2013
To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have.
Mario Kart is more fun if you imagine everyone's fleeing the scene of a brutal homicide.
According to weather.com,,, there appears to be a HUGE ad for car insurance moving in from the west..... RUN FOR YOUR LIVES !!!!
There's no place like home. (to poop)
So apparently Justin Bieber is planning to visit the troops in the Middle East. Taliban, this is your last shot for redemption.
If elected President, I would give out free window tint to all those people who sit at traffic lights and insist on picking their nose..
Sometimes I wish I could be one of my friends for 1 day, to see how it is to hang out with me..
The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing
I'm firming up my holiday plans. It looks like multiple trips to the kitchen plus an extended stay on the couch. 