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This is probably not the year to hang mistletoe around the workplace. 
it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
Wildlife Fact: In the wild, otters can go for days without checking their phones
Happier than a Goth Girl being carried off by a flock of ravens.
sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
I’m just saying, if the ice cream truck can play music, the garbage truck could too.
What is a ‘sexual prime’ and can I get it on Amazon?
I can't believe some people's survival instincts told them to grab toilet paper.
Married with Children was much funnier on TV.
Someone just told me I wasn’t as dumb as I looked and now I’m confused, was it an insult or a compliment?
Just so we're clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people which is perfectly understandable.
Marriage tip #39 your wife won't start an argument with you if you're cleaning
CNN BREAKING NEWS: Due to Government Shutdown, all the aliens in Area 51 have been released..
Wal-mart Assistant Manager: You can use the Self-Checkout if you want. Me: No thanks, I don't work here.
If I could time travel I'd go to my funeral and take names of people who seemed to be handling it a little too well.
When you were a kid, you said “But I’m not tired!” at some point, and you had no idea that it was the last time you’d ever utter that phrase.
The loudest sound on Earth is my child asking an inappropriate question about another customer at the grocery store.
I've come to the conclusion that the things I most desire in life are illegal, very expensive, fattening, bad for my health, too young for me, or married to someone else.
Are robots really not able to click those "I am not a robot" buttons? Then we got pretty dumb robots
I just apologized to a chair for walking into it. Let's focus on my manners before you judge my sobriety. 