Funny Status Messages

   "Thank-you Robert Kraft and R. Kelly!" - Jussie Smollett

   Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn’t stop that murder.

   I'm no socialist but I do believe everyone is born with an inherent right to as many dipping sauces for their mcnuggets as they want.

   Apparently, when you supply HR with a urine sample, it has to be because they requested it.

   Single white sock seeks same.

   I was going to wash my car in my driveway but then I realized I don't own a halter top or cut-off shorts.

   As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

   The Shining is my favorite Christmas movie about enjoying quality time with the family when you’re snowed in.

   The only wisdom that comes with age is knowing which stores have the nicer restrooms.

   I had a colonoscopy on Friday. Just let me say there are some things you should never use a Groupon for.

   So it's not a good idea to shoot finger guns at a man that's driving an armored truck. I know that now.

   Dear Science, You cloned a sheep named Dolly when you could have cloned a llama. A llama named Dolly. A Dolly Llama. That is all. Send.

   How do you know if a website really likes you or only wants you for your data

   I have OCD and ADD. Which means everything has to be perfect, but not for very long..

   That moment when you’re worried about the elderly and realize that you ARE the elderly.

   I’m gonna tell you something right now, tis not the time to have allergies.

   when isolation is over, we should all be allowed to commit one (1) crime since we’ve technically already served the time for it

   Maybe if I develop feelings for Covid 19 it will leave.

   The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look

   2020: A masked guy puts lasagna in your trunk and then you drive away.