Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It is so hot, and I have typed so much, I am having to dunk my fingers in gatorade to keep them from cramping!

   I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I'm not even married.

   If I want to nap for just an hour, I have a big glass of water beforehand. Alarms can be turned off, but a full bladder waits for no one.

   I dont talk to strangers, but I will stare and judge like I know them. Thanks for that skill grandma

   Attention Club Lonely... Keep posting those deep, philosophical, pseudo, life enriching quotes on your profiles. It tells the opposite sex what a day at the amusement park you are.

   I am just one step away from being very rich. All I need now is a lot of Money!

   My dog and I have the best conversations when I'm drunk.

   Keeping the list of naughty girls all to yourself? Well played Santa.

   auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.........

   all warm in my snuggie, well its really my bathrobe on backwards, but wtf

   if this toaster thinks setting 3 is "burn to a crisp and light on fire", I don't even want to know what setting 6 does.

   A bad picture of you, and your automatic response is… “Don't put that on Facebook!”

   Sometimes I need what only some people can provide: Their absence.

   Whenever a man wants to prove to me that he's tough, I make him fry bacon without a shirt on.

   always learn from mistakes of others who took your advice

   I just drank a whole pot of coffee and now I can stutter in sign language.

   Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.

   Has science explained why you have to walk around the house when on the phone?

   I dream about naps.

   They say you will eat around 23 spiders in your life, but really you can eat as many as you want. Treat yourself, you deserve it.