Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Being clean and sober means i've showered and am heading to the liquor store.

   My phone has better health insurance than I do.

   Pixar announces, 'Finding Nemo 3, The Search of Future Revenue.'

   Should you tell your neighbor that leaving their six porch lights on all day makes their Prius rather redundant?

   Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?

   Fun Fact: Ryan Lochte originally took up swimming because his pants were always on fire.

   Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?.. <YES>.. Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?. <YES>.. Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?

   The winds of change can blow me.

   If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave..

   I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.

   That one sounded like a dirt bike with a bad muffler.

   Maybe they could add a little pop-up saying "Are you sure? This action cannot be undone" before sending an important message like NUCLEAR MISSILE ALERT YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE

   It's kinda awkward when you are wiping away a girl's tears and accidentally her eyebrows too

   If you wear your old prom dress to the pharmacy, they'll fill your antidepressants faster.

   Hey ... If you want to stop all of these Protests and Riots .... Just start playing the National Anthem .... They will all either sit down or take a knee.

   It is just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.

   I'll see your passive aggressive status and I'll raise you...one finger.

   Whoever determined that a 1 inch size candy bar should be called "fun sized" need to reevaluate their entertainment expectations

   Pay no attention to anything I say when I'm drunk..or sober..or any other time.

   It makes me sad that elderberries are always being replaced by younger, hotter berries.