Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Just because I disagree with you does not mean I hate you. We need to relearn that in our society.

   Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people's funerals.

   9 out of 10 Status Updates sound more official if you simply add the phrase "9 out of 10".

   What about female suicide bombers? Do they also get virgins?

   Call me crazy, but I really prefer the term mentally ill

   "Don't be shy, send that 12th unanswered text." --Tequila

   Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other stuff wrong with my car I'd turn the radio down.

   Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it's like the trash took itself out.

   I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.

   They should really considered remaking "Back To The Future 2" where there aren't any flying cars. And people just stare at their phones all day getting easily offended to everything they read....

   If a girl tells you she has a nipple ring, the only correct response is "I don't believe you."

   In the wild of Alaska, large packs of Discovery Channel cameramen can be spotted drinking from the lakes that thaw out in the summer months.

   You're not truly a Canadian until you've used maple syrup as lube.

   With all the complaining on FB, I'm sure the world's social injustices will be righted in no time.

   Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?

   Ariana Grande would be the first kid on the factory tour taken away by the Oompa Loompas.

   Kim and Kanye name their newborn son Saint West because it will take a miracle for him to turn out normal.

   Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.

   I'll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.

   It's such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV