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Please let's keep it private on Valentine's day this year with the "I'm so in love!" posts, as some of us are single here. 
No one ever injured their eyesight by looking on the bright side of things.
Happy St Patrick's Day, the day when everybody gets together and pretends they're Irish. Except for the Irish -- they pretend they're sober.
"Im not talking without my lawyer present". Cop:"but you are the lawyer". Me: "Exactly, so where's my present"?
I went to see a fat psychic the other day..... well it was actually a four chin teller.
Man with Corona virus seeks woman with Lymes disease
Q: How many Grammar Nazis does it take to change a light bulb? A: Too.
Tomorrow is the National Homeschool Tornado Drill. Lock your kids in the basement until you give the all clear.
Purell better be working on a combination sanitizer, and murder hornet repellent.
It rained here in Arizona today, but it was a dry rain.😛
My dog peed in his pool and then laid down in it and I thought that was awful until I remembered my last trip to the lake.
I really hope the Covid-19 virus can't be spread from kissing butt.
Since the NSA knows my porn preferences, maybe they can suggest some new content.
Today is Earth Day. The best way celebrate it just came to me. I'm going to go outside and stare at the ground for a while.
When you like someone but they want you to meet their friend, it's kind of like when you ask for a Coke and the waiter says "Is Pepsi OK?"
Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
The world overdosing on stupidity, having already destroyed the antidote.
4 out of 3 people struggle with math
People who work on their tablets all day and play games all night are burning the Kindle at both ends.
Heard O.J. is gonna give another stab at marriage... 