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He's not really dead, he's trapped in the jungle waiting for some to roll an 5 or 8 
Tell me more about this victum role you play due to the circumstances that you've created for yourself.
Last month,, An ancient tampon was found in a cave in the Yucatan... Archaeologists are not sure which period it's from.
Ladies: Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing sitting down. Maybe YOU can learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up. You need it down. You don't hear us complaining when you leave it dow
Dear young guys who don't know what Cougars are: Let me introduce myself.
using your wifi
I am Nigerian Prince. If you click “like” I send you 17 Billion Dollars. I am very genuinelyness
If you take a muscle relaxer and a Viagra together you will end up a Gumby with a Pokey.....
They wouldn't have to ban texting while driving if they would just legalize driving through red lights...
Relly hopes the weekend comes as quick as some of her exes
wondering if you have sex with a girl with multiple personalities, is it considered a "orgy"?
The 5-second rule is real! Earlier I ate a chip that was on the floor for 6.7 seconds, and here I am at the ER.
I will kill you, alarm clock. And your whole family and anyone you've ever cared about.
I believe in ghosts. I believe in aliens. But theres no way you will ever persuade me into believing in alien ghosts. Ridiculous.
There has been only one Christmas -- the rest are anniversaries
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
Everyone seems normal.. Until you get to know them.
If hooters changes to a door-to-door service, would they change thier name to knockers?
Why is it that when I talk to God I am said to be praying, but when God talks to me I am said to be schizophrenic?
thinking Scientists do it on the table... periodically 