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What did all these desperate people do to get laid before the internet? 
My childhood self would be surprised I'm not playing with knives and fireworks, just because I can
busy swimming in the deep end of the pool so not to drown in the shallowness of the world.
If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between "sh**" and "syphilis
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
According to the new astrological signs, astrology is still complete bullsh!t.
needs to have a fixed income... mine is broken.
Starting my new excercise routine- I am tired of looking like I have two sets of breasts.
if you think weakness can be turned into strength, I hate to tell you this buddy; but that is another weakness.
wondering if a turtle loses its shell, does that make it homeless or naked?
trying to remeber what she wasn't supposed to forget :-/
I looked away to not sneeze on my keyboard, and sneezed on the fan and it went in my face
was such a Don Juan growing up, the girls Don Juan anything to do with him...
“Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.”
I'm just not that into you.....when I'm sober.
once blinded someone with science, which, unfortunately, turned out to be an A-class felony.
When is the excessive use of the word 'swagg' going to die already. Getting tired of hearing it in every rap song. Bad enough people don't even know the true meaning of it.
Feds are indicting Clemens for perjury, said they knew he was on steriods when they saw his nose grow
Did a Facebook search for childhood friends. Found out they're still people but DID NOT ADD THEM. That's how you use Facebook. For stalking.
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. 