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The cool thing about democracy is that some people believe wrestling is real and they get to vote in the same elections as you do. 
I still haven’t buttoned my pants back up from Thanksgiving.
Wife: I’ve blisters on my hands from the broom. Me: Take the car next time!
wonders should we REALLY put labels on paint cans warning people that eating it could kill them? I mean, should we TRY to save anyone who would make a conscious decision to eat paint?
I figured out why I don't go out drinking much anymore... result being tagged in embarrassing photos on Facebook!
"That Wonka is a liar!", exclaimed by my six year old son when he realized his Everlasting Gobstopper was getting smaller and changing color.
OK Santa I guess your going to celebrate thanksgiving also
My Mom just said "I'm still hot! It just comes in flashes!"
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
One of the hardest choices I have had to make in my adult life, give my change to the bell ringer outside of Wal-Mart or spend it in the toy vending machine in hopes that I get the cool watch I was wanting.
word is that Tigers sponsors are not going to drop him. Who would with the slogans "Just do it " and "Is it in you?"
Damn you Hostess Snacks. For your hard to open wrapper prevents me from successfully obtaining the delicious content within
needing help with his Margaritaville "Bar Raising". I still need a lost shaker of salt, Mexican cutie and a flip-flop repair kit. Thanks Guys. If I don't get this done I know it's my own damn fault...
had a flying dream last night! It was awesome, I felt just like a bird so I pooped on someone's car!
You can cross my mind, run through it, play in it, bounce across it, dance in it. There is alot of room in there...
currently experiencing technical difficulties. Giving a sh*t will resume at a later time. Thank you.
wonders why people say "that sucks" for bad things; clearly they haven't had any experience that relates to the second word within quotes
If you see me in ur dream...do tell me how to get out of there...;)
thinks movies are ruining books since 1920.
doesn't want you to call me lazy until you've walked a couple of steps in my flip-flops. 