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mailing out 'blank inside' note cards to all the people that make me crazy...let them go crazy trying to figure out where it came from and what it should have said... 
Gary Busey kicked @ss during his halftime performance.....
eating his cocoa puffs and when I am done I will drink the chocolate milk!!! yeah that's right that's how I roll!
The other day I admitted that I saw both The Devil Wears Prada and Nanny Diaries in the same conversation. I should hand my penis right back to my parents.
I haven't seen chaos like in Egypt since Popeye's opened a restaurant in Atlanta!!
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
Blessed are those who are cracked, for they are the ones who let in the light!
Just because I tell you that I love you does not mean I really do. I might be drunk. Or just really, really horny.
I love New England!!! (Clam Chowder)
If you're happy and you know it.......you're probably single.
The Queen just got out of the hospital from a gastroenterits.. I call it : "The Royal Flush"!
WWE: 2 people fighting over a belt even though neither of them is wearing pants.
When I was 12 my mom caught me dry humpin' my stuffed animal Tweety Bird.. we haven't made eye contact since.
My Ultra Sensitive toothpaste doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes.
If HR made employees settle their disputes with public dance-offs, everyone would try a lot harder to get along.
My walk of shame is actually an escape plan.
If I did road work I'd be that guy, the one who's leaning on his shovel and looks concerned while the other guys did all the work.
Guns and Explosions in Disney Parks? I think they are opening a Pakistan Pavillion at Epcot!
Ever wonder what it's like to be Amish? Get a blackberry. I'm practically milking cows and making candles over here.
happy fathers day to all the ones who came home with the gallon of milk 