Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   These post apocalyptic movies are just not factual. I mean how can everyone be wearing leather when there are no cows?

   My husband said when I wear my hair on top of my head, I look like a pineapple or a genie. I told him to pick one fast so I can decide where he sleeps tonight.

   There is nothing stopping a condom company from saying they are the only condoms worn by Santa Claus

   Sean Connery must have had a hard time training his dog to sit

   I had an unsettling dream. Someone came into my house and placed my Precious Moments figurines in compromising positions.

   Ninety percent of being an accountant is fighting off the babes...

   My 12yr old just handed me his proofs from picture day but before I could open the envelope he says "First, let me explain"

   If it says "typing" for more then 2 minutes... you're gonna have a bad time.

   If you watch Wall-E backwards its about a little robot that would rather live alone forever than deal with fat people.

   Listening to the news right now .... I'm trying to figure out which ones are the "Real" and which are the "Fake" News Channels. Some are portraying Fidel Castro as a Champion of the People. Is that considered as Real or Fake News?

   This year I'm not giving up anything for Lent. I'm just giving up.

   Day 3 of the flu is going well so far. I managed to brush my teeth without sneezing!!

   There is nothing worse than a kid with a toy that makes noise.

   Even to this day, I still can't remember that time I had amnesia.

   I no longer question authority; I annoy authority. More fun, less effort.

   45 minutes ago I took a bite of celery. I'm still chewing.

   Remember in your 20s when you sat upright to eat? Good times.

   EXERCISE?? Shoot, I thought you said EXTRA PIES!!!

   Do you ever see your memories pop up here on Facebook and think to yourself "wtf was I thinking" I do. Just about every damn day.

   Many people have told me that waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great..... But I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better. Just sayin'....