Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Why is it that before I go into the grocery store, I feel like I am about to pull off a heist? 
[Me in Heaven] God: You're about to get your wings. Me: Great! Buffalo or BBQ? God: Get out.
Look on the bright side parents, at least now you have an excuse not to take the kids to Chuck E Cheese.
I couldn’t sleep because the neighbor’s dog was barking so I went next door and told her, she says I have cheesecake and I could no longer hear the dog barking.
The Log Cabin Syrup logo is offensive to trees
I really don't understand this so called pandemic. We have been social distancing ever since we signed up for Facebook.
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
starting to feel like she is just a character in some other planets Sims game, and the stairs for the swimming pool have been removed...HELP!
Why can I not stop watching the Food Network?
It may look like i'm doing nothing but at the cellular level i'm actually quite busy.
to quit looking at my status
...thinks animal testing is a terrible idea. they get all nervous and give the wrong answers anyway
have you ever noticed that there are some people that don't need to be on facebook. They either inadvertenly cause drama, or they are prone to the late night drunken facebook status updates
Amazon always recommends me the things I bought, I mean dude why would I want the same or similar thing again
I wonder how we really know that hard work never killed anybody, when the only reliable witness may be dead?
I don't understand some elevator people... Do you really think pushing the elevator button more than once makes it move faster?
you wanna know how to frustrate half the population in an instant?.... NEW facebook!!"
I see nothing but continued growth and expansion for the foreseeable future... but enough about my diet.
I hate racsism. Racsism is a crime, and crime is for blck people 