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Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny's while sober. 
The NFL has determined that we will follow the 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi,..... rule before allowing defenders to tackle quarterbacks.
A new study says that a lot of people on social media today will believe anything that starts out by saying a new study says.
My therapist told me to write letter to the people I hate and then burn them. OK. I did that, now what do I do with all these letters?
We are very lucky that out of all the bodily functions that could have been contagious we got yawning.
Does the thirty minutes of cardio have to be all at once or can you spread it out over fifty years?
United Airlines just released their new frequent flyer app. Easy to use, too. It's all drag and drop.
Man I am beat! Feel like I just flew on United
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think "What would my grandfather do?" Then I leave home in my underwear and shout at random strangers.
Putting your finger on someone's lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn't think so.
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
I asked the librarian for the latest book on erectile dysfunction! She clattered her computer keyboard and said.."It's not coming up!"...I said.."Yeah!...that's the one!!
The worst part of working for the Department of Unemployment is when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.
I wish I could match my dog's excitement to go outside.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it'll still be stationery.
If you’re a security guard at Samsung does that make you a Guardian if the galaxies ?
I'm reaching the point where I really hope it's not possible to be annoyed to death.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers! 