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Instead of all this nonsence with an hour here or there or mess around with the whole leap years crap. We should accumulate the time for an extra day on the weekend!. 
A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers
There's only one thing wrong with wife swapping. You get another wife.
I'm not a tease. I just sobered up thats all.
If you think I'm crazy now, try me either WITH alcohol or WITHOUT sedatives
These leftovers are gonna taste great in 3 hours.
if you can't learn from your mistakes try doing them again
Most people don't act stupid – it's the real thing.
want to know if sex toy manufacturers have product testers?
People's cellphone ringtones say a lot about them. Usually they say, "I'm mystified by this phone settings."
The truth is, when I start a statement with "the truth is" I'm usually lying my @ss off
thinks that, that Veronica Vaughn is one piece of "ace"....I know from experience!!
I wasn't always into peer pressure......My friends got me into it.
The Bible tells us to love our neighbours, and also to love our enemies; probably generally they are the same people.
I would like to publicly apologize to the Taco Bell lady for interrupting her texting session by trying to place an order. Also for trying to place the entire order for 1, at one time, because since she was texting is was hard to concentrate on what I was
all for the "going green" thing, but she just can't bring herself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."
I want my tombstone to read "I have finally cured my addiction to oxygen""
It's National Stomach Ache Day.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
I save a lot of money on makeup by just being attractive. 