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thinks reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. 
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.
The FBI warnings before movies on DVD still refer to videotapes. So basically, even the people who are paid to make sure this is on every DVD, don't read it either
I'm proud of the fact that 87% of my day is just me making faces at my coworker while his back is turned.
Wikipedia has its own wikipedia page. Can you say redundant? If you have to wikipedia wikipedia, you have no buisness being on wikipedia.
It saddens me to think there are people in the world who don't pretend to paddle a canoe while on the moving walkways in airports.
you know the economy is bad when you walk by a can on the ground and think: dammit I should've picked that up!
"Treat others the way you want to be treated" is bullsh*t. All it's ever gotten me is a restraining order.
WEDDING: Point at which a male's opinions become utterly worthless.
I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
going on a journey to the deepest darkest corners of my bedroom in search of what some may call a "floor"
wonders if it is only him, that has had a fly or small bug land on his computer screen and been daft enough to try and scare it with the cursor?
Success is not defined by obtaining everything you want, but by appreciating everything you have.
should not be used by women who are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant.
How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murder for him? I can't even get two kids to brush their teeth.
■Unlike drugs, Facebook addiction won't cost you anything, except your social life
Genius - The ability to produce fantastic amounts of equally fantastic bullsh*t that all makes perfect sense
Its all fun and games until the k9 unit shows up and tell you to pop open the trunk. I wish I was never born
YOU'RE just another brick in the Facebook wall!
"You know you've been tagged in a photo on Facebook when there you've got more than 17 Notifications from people you don't know commenting on a photo of you. 