Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night 
WoW! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
I was in a taxi on my way to work this morning when the driver said "I love my job. I'm my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That's really great, now take a left here."
Riots will restart when they all figure out the liquor store they rioted last night is closed.
Given the age of the average facebook user is steadily increasing, it's no wonder their new look would include large print and big pictures...
Hey Social media newbies, remember if you try really hard and excel at this, in a couple years, you too can turn it into a source of no income.
Odd how all the 'intelligent life finding instruments' are pointed away from earth.
2 cops walk into a bar... I don't know what happened after that. I got the f cuk out of there.
I'm a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
Come on. Let's all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
Can we just make everything battery-related run on AA batteries?
Headed to Lowe's. After what I just did in the bathroom, it's best we just build another one.
Forecast tonight: Dark
making my list and checking it twice due to early on-set senility!
woke up on the wrong side of someone else's bed this morning.
Adults do have cooties..........We call it STD's
Why does a talk show host have an interview with another talk show host; to talk about another talk show host? (Oprah, Leno, Conan)
just read an article on heavy drinking and it scared the sh*t out of me! So thats it!! After today no more f*cking reading!!
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
always and never are two words you should always remember to never use.... 