Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
trying to act happy when no money falls out of your bday card! :( 
Instead of yelling, I just say "Caps Lock" and then speak at a normal volume...
A dog will never borrow money from you, and that's why he's man's best friend.
I'm at the doctor's office & they don't know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I'll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.
Does anyone else remember the day when you found out your parents had other names besides mom and dad? How crazy was that?!
Beepers and pay phones were so much easier.....
One women's "oh hell no that's gross" is another women's "oh please do that again".
My Facebook persona did not sleep well last night.
I don't think I'm better than you. I never think about you.
Hey girl with 40,000 tweets and 14 followers, I'm guessing you should probably shut the f$ck up.
We need more propeller hats
You know you're getting older when you would rather ignore someone, so you don't have to go through the trouble of disposing their body...
A picnic is a great way to see what all the foods you love would taste like if you added ants.
I relate to your inability to relate to people. Let's talk about hanging out but never follow through.
Hey, DirecTV? Ummm...now that Viacom is being asses, can we have G4 back? Sincerely, 90% of your customers who DON'T care about the so called MTV showing 16 & Pregnant
Wal*Mart now offers psychiatric treatment. I got out of there quick. I used the 10 issues or less line.
Wow, congress isn’t taking the end of “Breaking Bad” very well at all.
CNN poll: 17% of Americans view North Korea favorably... CBS poll: 9% of Americans approve of Congress.... Hmm
Why is it that in a movie, the good guy can take on three bad guys and get a hell of a beat down without batting an eye, but in the next scene he will wince when the woman tries to dress his wounds?
No Nike. I'm tired. You do it. I'll get the next one! 