Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dear person sitting next to me in the stall... I can hear you playing a video game on your Blackberry and it's annoying the crap out of me. Well done!

   I always thought about joining the debate team but I already know I would get kicked out for saying "Yeah well F**k you" when the other team makes a good point

   You are A-Attractive, B-Beautiful, C-Charming, D-Dear to me, E-Exciting, F-Funny, G-Godsent...H-Hehehe, I-Im, J-Just, K-Kidding...

   Washing my face, eyes are closed and the cat rubs against my legs. First thought: "SHARK!!!" Second thought: "No more Discovery Channel before bed!"

   dear local weatherman if its 92° and feels like 102° then guess what dumbass? its 102°

   If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.

   Dear Santa: This year instead of a gift wish list, I'm sending a list of people I would like to see disappear. Thank you.

   thinks living well may be the best revenge... but rubbing your ass all over someone's cell phone is pretty good too.

   I've been watching movies all wrong. Apparently, you're supposed to guess out loud what's going to happen next.

   I have hit the level of FB addiction that, when determining the successfulness of my day, I factor in how many 'likes' I got on my posts. Yesterday was 93. That's one I'll tell the grandchildren about some day. :-)

   There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

   If you believe the competitive spirit in America is dead, you haven't been in the supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line.

   Don't let life get in the way of your dreams... go back to sleep!

   decided it was time to leave the restroom when the guy in the stall next to me shouted "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!"

   Maybe things would improve if we shipped Congress's jobs overseas too.

   At the Photography Studio: "First, we'll shoot you, then we'll blow you up, then you can go home and hang yourself."

   ~*~What? You didn't understand that? Here, let me break out the crayons and hand puppets and see if we can dumb this down enough for you...

   I drank my 8 glasses of water today. Well... 90% water anyway, there may have been some barley, hops, and yeast mixed in there for taste

   I don't get it?? How are dead people making new songs? On the radio it just said MJs new tune? It's the same with 2pac? Great skills... It's gonna be the same when I kick the bucket, I'm still gonna update Facebook

   TURKEY - Coming soon to a table near you.