Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I did a striptease for my wife but it didn't go well. I got my shirt stuck on my head, and by the time I got it off, she had left the room.

   I fell asleep last night with my TV on watching a Jersey Shore marathon and this morning my Toshiba died of AIDS

   Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.

   i bought my mother in law a tv and furniture for her birthday...you shouldve seen her face when rent a center came and picked it up...yup she hates me

   My Superpower is always picking a shopping cart with "the one crapped-up wheel" ..... Anyone wanna help me design a costume?

   I shower with a suicide note in case I slip and die, at least I can make it look intentional instead of stupid.

   Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

   giving my liver a pat on the back, thanks for holding up this weekend

   thinks Facebook needs another relationship status: commitment phobe

   I know Floyd Mayweather likes to dodge but this is ridiculous!

   's steadfast refusal to consume his meat has proven to be a significant impediment to his acquisition of pudding.

   3 interviews lined up...woot woot, and they say there's no jobs!

   Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your bf or gf wants 2 leave u, they should give you 2wks notice. There should b severance pay, and b4 they leave u, they should have to find you a temp!!

   The first few people to join Facebook must have felt like pretty big losers.

   met this girl at the pub and she told me her ‘sex was on fire'. She lied. But ironically, now it burns when I piss.

   OMG!! I'm not going to click on that link to see what that dad posted on his daughter's wall! Its spam people, stop the madness!!!

   as of today I will no longer use "lol" after my comments or posts...I will now use "snicker".

   thinks that swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

   I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.

   so really..what was Meatloaf talking about when he sang he'll do anything for love, but he wont do that?